“Hello?”

“Hey is this Ashley Tisdale? Hi! it’s Miley Ray Cyrus of Chanel Couture 2013 aka Destiny Hope Cyrus aka America’s Teen Queen & national treasure with hair, skin and eyes as golden as the flaming sun and the breathe as fresh and fresh morning dew. How are you??”

“Um actually my name is Sele-“

“Whatever Demi Lovato, I know we’ve both said and done things we’re not proud of but I would like to take this opportunity to regain our friendship. You see, my award collection warehouse is being relocated to the Caribbean Islands away from Adele’s compulsive eating habits and I was wondering if you would like to house-sit and maybe keep one award for yourself? How’s that sound to ya?”

“OH MY GOD THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU SHOULD HAVE except know that my name is Sele-“

“You’re right, I shouldn’t have and I won’t. How’s that for a Party in the USA go eat some dick heaux . Have fun living in my shadow in the remaining 3 minutes of your 15. I gotta go, we’re upgrading my dog’s iPhone to iOS9 today. *click*

Epilogue

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